10 Keys To Unlock A Healthy and Happy Relationship4-7 min read
As a Relational Alchemist, I am about creating long-term, connected, evolved and compatible relationships where two people may flourish in service to each other and the world.
Having a healthy relationship allows us to experience life in such a way that we feel connected, happy and fulfilled. We live a life of meaning and truth. We are not hiding, nor running from our authentic selves and in fact when we are immersed in happy and healthy relationships we feel accomplished, courageous and clear.
Healthy relationships allow us to experience life form a vantage point of congruent truth and empowerment. We choose to immerse ourselves in what matters to us and we learn to be selfless in our actions. We cease to live a life of regret and begin to thrive on challenges and are able to observe profound value in the growth that we experience. Let’s leap in to these 10 keys to unlocking a healthy and happy relationship.
1. Values Alignment
Becoming acquainted with our 9 areas of life can serve us tremendously. Know your values. Simply put: know what is deeply important to you. What you value in your life. What experiences are of great worth to you? What do you pursue effortlessly, think about constantly, daydream about, converse about, spend your energy, resources and money on and feel in to the most? Get clear on what drives and inspires you and then align these values in a complimentary way with someone you care about and resonate with deeply.
2. Know Their History & Know Your Own
This is crucial to experiencing a healthy and happy relationship. This means that you are able to ask deep questions about your beloved, about their history. Ask them how they relate to certain aspects or experiences of their past and relate yours to theirs – not comparing, simply relating, connecting and bonding. Ask how they feel in relation to particular events and simply get to ‘know’ and feel what makes them, them. Demonstrating this level of retrospection and introspection allows your relationship to flourish and deepen. Depth lends itself to happiness.
3. Effort Is King / Queen
Nothing of sincere value is ever gained or felt without the application of effort. Effort leads to awareness, leads to truth. Yes, relationships can be challenging and difficult, trying and pressing. But when we persevere in the face of something we love and care about – when we exert effort, we will be reward with wisdom and insight. These immersive states lend themselves to meaning and fulfilment, which ultimately lay foundations for a healthy and happy relationship.
Being vulnerable is a gift to your own journey and that of your beloved, lover and partner. When we expose the depths of who we are in a safe, sincere and revered manner to people we trust and respect we are giving permission for others to be and do the same. Here, they also open up their feelings and thoughts with you. You bond, connect and strengthen the health and bond of the relationship. To be known, felt, seen and heard is so deeply powerful. It allows us to integrate our brains, equilibrate pain, we feel safe and we quieten our mind chatter, which can often be distracting.
5. Disagree Respectfully
There is nothing worse than disrespecting those you love because you lack the emotional intelligence, control, literacy and integrity to share your thoughts in a harmonious manner. Focus not on the emotions, but the message and communicate your truth from a place of love. Respect the vantage point of the other and you may learn something deeply.
6. Open Your Heart-Mind – Hold Compassion & Empathy
Which leads us to maintaining and open heart and mind when being present to your partners needs. Hold compassion and empathy in your own self for self and for your lover and partner. Doing so defuses tension and allows them to be known and heard. This softens the often disconnect found in disagreement. Importantly, you are both able to connect openly and hold each other through your own trauma, triggered pains and historical context.
7. Be Of Service
Be of service to the one you love, the one you care for and the one you adore. Learn the love languages, learn the erotic blueprint. Give to them what they need, when they need it. Show sincere and deliberate interest in what they love and what interests them. Be there when they need you, expect nothing in return but to simply be of service. This is not about altruism, but rather about your dedication to who they are and their journey. There is truly something remarkable associated with giving freely.
8. Be Spontaneous
This adds spice, excitement and connection to your life. When we are spontaneous we are building new neuronal pathways and mapping within the brain. Forging new associations with our lives and the meaning and happiness we attach to certain scenarios, relationships and people. Surprise your partner with what he or she adores, take them outside of their comfort zone and show them that you care through the exciting, meticulous and thoughtfulness you have placed in being spontaneous with them. It will add excitement to your relational dynamic.
9. Be Present To Challenge & Embrace It
Challenge allows us to grow. If we seek and face challenges together we grow together, we envelop together and we become bonded deeper. Through this process of challenge we become happier, for begin to know each other deeper and at levels we have never experienced and felt. Challenge becomes insightful and expansive – deepening our relationship so that we may continue to explore each other beautifully and openly.
10. Communicate Regularly
When we communicate with intention (both verbally and non-verbally) we immerse in to healthy and open dynamics that grant s insight in to our true authentic and natural selves. Communication allows us to release pent up frustrations, pains, confusion and negative emotions that otherwise fester within us and then explode – often causing immense friction and tension in the relationship. Learn to speak your truth and open your heart and mind in real time.
11. BONUS: Honour Yourself & Your Needs
When we choose to openly and consciously honour ourselves. We become empowered to choose actions that align with our highest needs. We attract people in our lives that lead to a healthy and happy relationship. We honour our truth and we attract synergy, symbiosis and beauty in our lives. Honouring yourself is the most attractive trait that your partner will cherish deeply.
Final Thoughts & Feelings
Unlocking a healthy and happy relationship requires time, effort and deep attention – all predicated by a deliberate intention to grow together that ultimately revolve around a value set of deep connection and love.
One is always glad to be of service.