Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

I Am Still Here – WE Are Still Here4-7 min read

In the very short time I have been present on this planet I have had (like many of us) what I call a range of diverse and deep experiences. I have been plummeted in to the depths and chasms of despair, suffering and pain, yet I am still here.

I have clenched fear and faced demons, death and sorrow head on. I have been to places within myself that no human should go, I have had resolving highs to match feelings of destitute, yet I am still here.

I have suffered blows, felt continuously rejected, not been met where I feel I need to be, not understood, felt ever so isolated and alone. In despair and in deep physical, emotional, spiritual and emotional pain all at once, self-pity parties in abundance, yet I am still here.

I have risen the wave of ecstatic, blissful joy, have had my life enriched by the most amazing souls, have touched God, felt God, become God and have had wisdom revealed to me that has plummeted me further in to the chasms of exploration and I am still here.

Darkness, light and all in between has my tongue tasted. ‘Failure’, unworthiness, humiliation, that feeling of one’s heart sinking thousands of feet below the surface of the Earth – yep, I have felt that oh too many times, yet I am still here.

Abuse, violence, solitude, feelings of being alone, loneliness, rage, aggression, being told repeatedly ”you are wrong”, that posture of isolation, that has been my friend too many times, yet I am still here.

Savage break ups and enlightened break throughs, confusion beyond measure and clarity brighter than the brightest day. Not being able to release fear and pain, my dreams shattered, my insecurities and feelings of ‘not enough-ness’ reinforced and devastated by horrible self talk, yet I am still here.

And through all of this I am deeply grateful. Through all of this I have connected to the humility and appreciation amidst the devastation. Upon deepened reflection no experience has ever been wasted or lost.

Trust and receptivity have been two of my greatest lessons (amongst many) and even when I forgot how to trust I have been led to trust and yet I am still here.

Even when I have not known where I am going, there is still a glimmer of trust that I am held, that I am supported, that something, someone has my back… In profound uncertainty, I am still here, as I grow so does the kindness, wisdom and compassion.

With more potential insurmountable difficulties lurking perhaps scattered through sustainable joy and revelation, I once again shall persevere, grow, learn and adapt as I have before. And be supported and held ever so deeply by so much of life and those in my life…

No-THING is ever wasted and no experience ever lost. YOU are powerful beyond measure, lean in to your strengths and triumphs and know that life is always on the way and never in the way…

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

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