Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Seeing The Shadow In Another Is Holding The Shadow In Ourselves4-7 min read

When we see the shadow in another and we embrace this shadow, appreciate this shadow, revere this shadow and embrace this shadow we cease to stumble, we cease to polarise and we cease to ‘lose’ in life.

Whether you know it or not, in some capacity you have lived, are living or will live the life of another, so to judge harshly, repel as opposed to embrace and to ‘be put off’ is to critique yourself, harm yourself and demean your own very nature.

Our relationships begin to truly evolve. Our relationships flourish as they enter a deeper state of wholeness. This is not demean oneself and if they are being mistreated to remain in an unhealthy dynamic that is perpetually causing pain.

This is to say that when we truly recognise the shadow in another is representative (at least in part) of the shadow we hold within ourselves, we grow. We cease to ignore, we cease to internally divide, we cease to fracture and ultimately we cease to continue to falter.

We are relational beings – we have so much to learn from each other. So much to give, receive, move through, unravel unpack, rediscover and connect to.

By embracing the shadow (within and without) we allow ourselves to heal and we provide another to heal, to be seen, felt, understood and perhaps for once in their lives not ostracised and oppressed.

What a gift this is – to recognise, acknowledge and embrace without harsh critique, judgement and thought the darkness of another. Imagine that feeling of not being rejected for your ‘flaws’, not being harshly treated because of your hidden shame or darkness, but rather to be embraced for all that you are?

Again, this is not to allow others to express violently, abhorrently or with an intention of malice and to accept this behaviour blindly. We are speaking to living in an internal place and occupying a psychological space of acceptance and embrace well before we get to this stage.

There is great power for all involved when we allow ourselves to be seen and when we openly choose to see others. To be able to stand in one’s shame, guilt, fear or pain and say “this is me, I am sorry, I need help”.

And to respond with endearment, affection, authenticity, understanding, care, openness and transparency is a gift for all to bare witness to.

When we practice forgiveness, we become forgiveness. We literally open our inner posture to the possibility of release.

When we practice communicating the wholeness of who we are, we cease to fracture internally, we cease to feel separated and we begin to feel whole and cultivate a deeper sense of self-worth, belonging and self-love.

To see the shadow in another is to see parts of your self and own them. By ‘owning’, we are acknowledging, through acknowledgment we have a greater propensity to assume responsibility for our own lives.

By default our pains become solutions, malleable and they enter the realm of transformative empowerment.

We literally empower ourselves with the tools to change. Our relationships improve and the quality of our existence improves. What happens to those who show themselves is tremendous release, a freeing of the ‘stuck-ness’ once felt.

An internal liberation of power giving us an opportunity to be authentic and connect meaningfully.

A powerful brain integration transpires where we get to know ourselves with greater clarity, we literally then begin to attract and create circumstances and the exerting of people in to our lives that align with our highest of values.

Imagine a world where we held each other through our pains, instead of feared them?

We fear fear, we fear pain. Pain, like fear is a beautiful teacher. If we continue to hide, run and pretend it does not exits, we will continue to divide ourselves, our intimate relationships and our communities.

The only way is through. The only way is to break the norm, remove the protective barriers and be truthful.

Yes, this is challenging, yes, this hurts and yes it is liberating and life-transformative.

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker



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