Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Stop Avoiding Intimacy4-7 min read

Stop avoiding intimacy, deep connection, and being seen — because you’re drowning in fear.

STOP! We spend so much time running from what we fear. What we are essentially running from is our ability to feel closeness, connection and deep intimacy.

We all yearn for it – unconsciously and consciously in different ways. Brothers need brotherhood but have fear of being judged, ridiculed and not accepted by their primary in-group. They also spend so much time distracted and in ‘doing’ energy.

Women need sisterhood and have also experienced resentment, abandonment, jealousy and more. These fears plague us and stop us from engaging.

Who wants to be hurt again? Who wants to be rejected? The truth of it is, intimacy and connection comes from us learning to appreciate our own gifts, whilst also receiving from those we love and care for.

We have lost trust for each other. We have lost trust in ourselves. We have forgotten who we truly are. We have lost the impetus and drive to go fourth in to intimacy and connection because…

We are either scared and scarred from previous experiences or we are afraid to be hurt. Either way, we isolate ourselves. We forget that we thrive in tribe and in deeper intimacy.

When we revel in the truth of intimacy and when we are able to live presently and realise that our past is actually in our past and it needn’t affect our present we grow profoundly.

We all want to be seen, acknowledged and accepted. We can achieve and embody this through healthy tribal and group connections. We can be seen and see others through deeper sexual intimacy.

Yes, we expose and open ourselves – our hearts, our minds and our bodies. We communicate our truths, beliefs, standpoints, pains and pleasures. Yes, this leaves us vulnerable and open to possible scrutiny…

And, this WILLINGNESS to go deep in to being seen for the sake of being seen without focus on what MAY transpire is COURAGE in motion. It is this very courage that allows us to experience the fullness and richness of life.

Are you ready to leap in to life? Are you ready to honour your NEED for intimacy by doing the work, exploring the shadow and seeing yourself (first and foremost) for the magnificence you are and what you actually have to offer?

When you do this, you are able give to others the gift of YOU! The world needs you and you need intimacy. This is an undeniable truth. We experience this through tribe and through self-reliant sovereignty and self-belief.

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

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Explore Your Power

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I was hopeful, but disempowered. This frustrated me deeply as a man and so I lashed out to the world and lashed inwardly to my internal self.

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I can tell you about the physiological effects that excess anger and frustration has on the body. I can tell you how excess stress hormones released throughout the body due to a cognitive spotlight focus of anger damages our neurones.

I can tell you about the feeling of not being in control and how longterm, this affects negatively our sense of self and understanding of who we are. I can tell you that the less we self-regulate the more we have that feeling of not being in control of the direction of our internal monologue, stories we feel ourselves and pain we feel.

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