Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

When Someone Tells You That You Can’t, What They’re Really Saying Is They Can’t4-7 min read

Don’t get caught up in the ignorance and insecurities of others. So often, we are stuck in our own pains and fears and we project this outwardly.

When those in your life display jealousy, ‘put downs’, relentless and thoughtless doubt, nay-saying, antagonistic behavior and looking for and identifying the worst in all that you are and do, it is linked intimately to their own sense of self.

Their self-worth is so low that their ‘small ego’ cannot accept this ugliness, perceived lack or ‘defect’ in its own identity. It’s less painful to project outwardly, than to take ownership of this ugly display of relating.

The truth of it is that they and you are worthy. I remember, I used to be so stuck in my identity and what others thought of me. I doubted myself so much, I didn’t truly embrace my potential and power.

I would secretly be jealous of other’s achievements. I wouldn’t take ownership for my choices and often put others down for their skills or character traits or bring their successes down to raw luck. I just couldn’t own and admit that I could be doing life better.

As I faced my own demons and shadows, I began to release this need to discriminate so harshly and hate on others both overtly and secretly. Rather, I became inspired by the achievements and postures of others, instead of threatened or intimidated – this became fucking liberating.

This can be tough as a man, as we often want to dominate and be the best at what we set out to do. There is so much unhealthy competition in the world that we have forgotten how to grow as men through healthy competing.

Once I grounded in a deeper sense of my own self and who and what I was, I grew and expanded in my path. I began to ask questions around my service and how I could learn and grow as opposed to focusing on what I wasn’t ‘good enough’ at of what I lacked and what others had. I basically stepped out of repetitive cycle of victimhood.

Often, how others see us is a reflection of where they’re at within themselves, in combination with their own internal models of reality, judgments, ideologies and beliefs. Don’t take it personally AND… ask: what wisdom or opportunity exists in that external attack on you and your way of being that may allow you to grow and be a better version of you?!

One is glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

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